Fake
June 27, 2008 @ 4:11 pm
My secret is that FAKE Christians anger me. People who have been going to church all their lives and still don’t know God but who preach to or marginalize people as if they are the most true and righteous Christians are one of the main reasons I’m done with church. I’m tired of judgemental, small-minded, sick, know-it-all Christians who think it is ok to treat people who are different as outcasts or wrong just because they are different. I want God to punish them, to make them miserable, so they realize that they aren’t worthy of the pedestals they put themselves on.
God, please forgive me for judging them, not accepting them as they are. Please teach me to love them as you would… and to have patience and peace for myself in light of the struggle relationships with these people presents in me.
Lost hope and love for self
June 19, 2008 @ 8:41 am
I have been married and divorced 3 times. My last divorce was 5 years ago and I have had two serious relationships since then. But they have all been with men who do not treat me with respect. I find selfish, mean, manipulative men. I do not mean to, but I do. I am a caretaker and a fixer and I fall in love and then when the other side comes out, I am too in love to run, and I stay until they trample me down to where I almost can not breathe. Due to my poor decisions and lack of judgement, due to my character flaws that I can not seem to let go of, I am watching all of my dreams fade from me. A lasting marriage, love, children, security, lasting joy, companionship, stability…I do not feel like I deserve them any more. I do not feel like a “good man” will be able to see beyond my past and forgive and love me. I do not feel there is any hope any more. I am scared, and hopeless, and empty. I know that I should be satisfied with a relationship with God, but I want more. Sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. The only thing that would make me sad about that is I know my family would be hurt by that. But I am so tired….I do not know where to find hope.
To be a sanctuary
June 14, 2008 @ 9:18 am
I’m cleaning house. No more dramatic relationships that drain my heart. No more opening the door to anyone willing to give me attention. My heart is meant to be MY sanctuary…not a hospital for others’ messes. I’m dwelling in the peace and security that I can care for and enjoy me. Now I’m experiencing reverence for your image in me, and it’s deepening my connection with you.
For the first time, I’m thanking you for leading me into the desert. I hated you for this barren season, wondering if I’d even remain your daughter. Help me use the power and wisdom you’ve designed within my heart to protect and live out my true standards, desires, and dreams.
May all your girls find abundant life in saying “enough” to toxic love.
searching
@ 9:18 am
I have been in Denver for three years now and have struggled to find ‘community’. Some wonderful people at Pathways have embraced my recent attendance, and I’m very thankful. I often wonder why it feels God has ‘forgotten’ me. Although I know this to be unlikely, it certainly doesn’t feel that way. I deeply desire more meaningful relationships in my life, and continually work hard to develop them. It seems everyone around me is so happy and moving forward in life…while I’m stuck in a holding pattern, indefinitely.
Dear “Baby”
June 2, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
You’re not alone… I too got pregnant on a one night stand, but my daughter is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. It’s tough, life can be extremely hard, but hold tight. You’re loved and so is that little one you’re carrying. Time heals all wounds, and you’re going to be okay. At then end of our lives, the only things that really matter are the relationships we had, and your relationship with your child will be the most important one of all. Everything will work out - pray and trust the Lord to bring you through. Reach out to your church community for love and support - don’t be afraid. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. If someone can’t accept you, then you don’t need them in your life anyway. This child will be a BLESSING in your life.
baby
May 26, 2008 @ 3:23 pm
can anybody hear her, can anybody see, does anybody even know she’s going down today, under the shadow of the steeple with all the lost and lonely people.
today i found out i’m pregnant, no husband, no boy friend, just a random one night stand.
now what? i’m not prepared for this, i feel like i’m way to young. my parents will disown me, my family will shun me. this is now how i was raised.
God please forgive me for i have sinned.
May 19, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
My secret is that God is not enough for me. I cherish my relationship with God and I am thankful everyday for Creation, but I believe we are on this earth to have relationships with people and to experience human love in all its forms. In addition to God, I need people. Even in the moments when I feel God’s presence and love, I still long for the presence and love of other human beings.
May 16, 2008 @ 1:30 pm
I am a lesbian. I am at peace with this. I’ve never been more free.
I KNOW, it’s so easy to see God in a certain way…
@ 1:30 pm
One of the most amazing writers I have ever read on how much God loves us is Brennan Manning, like “Ragamuffin Gospel” and “Abba’s Child.” We all feel the same way: we want our friends and community to be THE answer, but they are only human and hopefully we all motivate each other toward knowing God. He is the only divine friend that has ALL the answers, but it’s so much richer to get to Him with friends. We all have skewed views of God because we don’t know what He’s really like until we seek Him out in His Word and through people further down the path of faith. You are being prayed for every day.
…
May 13, 2008 @ 7:02 pm
Thank you for your words. I find that I am so dependent on other people who are completely broken that it leaves me feeling so empty. I want to rest in God’s hands, but I believe he hates me. I secretly believe that he kept me alive to punish me. I am not suicidal anymore, but I live every day wanting more and wishing I could just be happy.
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